The Park
by DevianceIsBliss
Summary: Johnny DiMarco can't forget about Darcy Edwards, and he really doesn't know why, but he's pursuing her, and she might not have such a problem with that. After all, they may have more in common than either of them knows.
1. The Park

The Park—Part 1

The Park—Part 1

Chapter 1—Johnny's POV

"Whoa. How'd you find this place?"

"Keys to the school, courtesy of Pretty Boy Peter. You like the view?" she replied, wrapping her arms around my neck. I won't lie, I didn't mind kissing her, even if she was some psycho Degrassi chick. Something told me she was breaking down, the whole thing with Simpson and the rumors about the mountain retreat thing and the spring break thing. I don't wanna sound like some cliché or whatever, but she looked empty, like she was losing everything. I knew that look pretty well, like something was eating her up and spitting her out and she had no chance against it. Her friends were weirded out by some stupid thing or something, so when she grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs behind her, I figured she could use someone to talk to who didn't have any reason to treat her like a piece of glass. Turned out all she wanted was to kiss, although I still don't know who was kissing whom, not that it mattered. To be honest, she made more sense to me than most people. The roof was one thing, like the shortest hook-up I've ever had, but listening to her pretend to rant at the guy who messed her up was enough for me to tell she wasn't just some screwed up chick from the rival school. She was in hell and no one was listening to her scream. I know how she feels, after my best friend stabbed the mascot right in front of me and left him there. I wasn't stupid enough to stick around, but I started to wish I had when the digi-nerd best friend came after me for it, blaming me for the whole thing. I didn't stab him, it wasn't my fault my friend did, and it was his fault that he got killed when he wanted a war. But none of that is the point. None of that is why I'm currently standing on Darcy Edward's doorstep waiting for someone to open the door, trying to figure out how I'm going to get her to come out of there. When the door does open, it's her mom, and suddenly I understand why Darcy's hardly ever home anymore.

"Can I help you?" she snarls at me, her eyes wide. She looks like a bird. For a second I forget what I'm supposed to say.

"Hi..Mrs. Edwards, is Darcy home?" I ask, trying to sound like her perfect boyfriend. The bird eyes narrow.

"Johnny?" I hear Darcy's voice from behind her mom's concrete form. She sounds beyond confused.

"I..uh, wanted to talk, just for a minute," I say, nervous for some reason. "I won't keep you."

"Well, I'm sorry, Darcy isn't allowed to talk to anyone right now," her mom says sharply. Somehow I think Darcy finally spilled her guts about her night on the mountain.

"Back off, Mom," Darcy snaps, shoves past her, and suddenly I'm looking at the feisty chick that grabbed my hand and dragged me out to be alone, the same way she's doing now. Her mom shouts after us but we're running up the block, around the corner and disappearing into an empty park. Her hand feels cool in mine. I'm surprised it's still there since we've stopped running and we're safely away from the crazy bitch and too-perfect-once-a-street-racer-then-a-fake-drug-addict-but-still-perfect boyfriend. She's quietly staring at the ground while we walk.

"Hey, Phoenix," I finally murmur. She stiffens her shoulders for a moment but she doesn't look up.

"You called me Darcy back there," she says. Her voice sounds dead. "Didn't you mean Teacher's Pet?"

Well, I deserved that.

"Look, Darcy, I'm not a Degrassi guy, okay? I beat up the Degrassi kids because I needed something to do and they were asking for it."

"That's all?" she asks. I tighten my grip around her fingers. She looks me in the eye, and I remember when she looked at me the last time we were face-to-face. It makes me want to pull her closer, and it doesn't make any sense, but it does.

I stop. She staggers and faces me again. Reaching toward her I creep my other hand around hers slowly, praying I don't scare her off. She doesn't fight, and I feel relieved somehow.

"I'm messed up too, Darcy. Not like you, like what happened to you, but I still know what it's like to be torn up by somebody. All your friends act like you're gonna fall apart if they don't watch you and hold you together, but you're not helpless," I say all at once. She looks surprised.

"So, you don't think I'm crazy?" she asks pointedly. She's testing me. The chance is too perfect. She tries to duck away but I manage to place a kiss square on her forehead. She looks up at me with wide eyes. The words that come out of my mouth don't even sound like mine or my voice.

"Crazy?" I whisper. "No." I lean into her shoulder, letting go of her hand to grip around her arm.

"Beautiful?" I offer, kissing her jaw softly. She breathes softly.

"Nervous?" I kiss her forehead again and look her in the eyes. She looks pleading.

"Scared?" I can barely breathe as I get closer to her, holding the base of her skull with my hand to pull her closer to me.

"Yes," she replies, barely in a whisper, and finally my mouth is on hers and it's perfect. She returns it and I wrap her up in my arms. She clings to my sides, turning her head until the kiss starts to break. I stop and kiss below her ear, along her throat, and the whole time her grip gets more intense. Suddenly she pulls away, looks at me with these sharp eyes, like she's accusing me of something. It makes me feel cold.

"I have a boyfriend," she snaps. I tighten my grip on her, but carefully.

"I'm aware," I return her edge. She glares at me. I seize her mouth again, and this time she pushes at me. I hold her still and look her in the eyes.

"I don't plan to tell anyone, if you don't want me to," I reply.

Whatever I've said does something to her. She grabs at me and pulls me to her again. The kiss returns, and this time she stays.


	2. The Gym

Chapter 2—Darcy's POV

Did I want it? I couldn't have, but I did it anyway. Lord, I'm going to be in deep sugar. Johnny and I take separate ways from the park, and I have a bad feeling about the whole thing. Mostly about Peter, we've been so rocky with each other since the rape, I don't even want to imagine what he'll do or say if he finds out about Johnny. Johnny...how did that happen? I can't even think about how that happened. He's been nothing but a jerk to me since Lakehurst came to Degrassi, I can't figure how he turned into someone with a heart and a conscience and suddenly let everything out. I have to admit, the kids at school judge him by Lakehurst's reputation, if they knew the kind of person he was...but why me? He told me about himself and me at the same exact moment when he spoke, like we were exactly alike.

As soon as I walk through the door I'm ready for the tirade, but Mom's not there. I find her in the living room, silent, which is not like her. I take a few cautious steps into the room, keeping a safe distance from her.

"You've grounded, young lady," is all she says.

"Bite me," I snap, stalking back out of the room. For once she doesn't follow me, which is even more unlike her. I'm not surprised that she's a little weird since I told her about the rape. She's having as hard a time getting over it as I did, it seems, but I'm still not. That's the point. She has the right to be freaked out, but no matter how freaked she is, she doesn't know anything. But Johnny seemed to. Johnny…Johnny DiMarco came looking for me to tell me he knows how it feels to be ruined, and somehow I believe him.

When I crawl into bed I'm still thinking about his words, replaying the entire thing over and over in my head, even the parts where we didn't speak. Even if he is a Lakehurst thug, he felt safe and real, comforting with me at school, but I have a feeling he'll treat me the same as he always does in front of his friends. Speaking of friends…a cold creeps over me.

What am I going to tell Peter?

The next morning I'm seriously debating faking sick, part of me wanting to see Johnny and the other part fearing my boyfriend and that look he gets when he's disappointed. Mom peeks her head in my door and kindly reminds me that I have half an hour to be ready for school. Like I haven't been doing my entire life.

School's noisy. The first person I see is Peter, and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I can't help smiling when he comes up to me in those long strides of his.

"Hey, beautiful," he says, wrapping his arms around me. My stomach falls. Why, why did he have to call me beautiful? As we go through the front doors and turn toward the library I catch a glimipse of a green army jacket, and what's left of my guy melts.

"What's wrong, Darce?" Peter asks. Of course, he's noticed the difference. Damn it!

"Nothing," I reply, smiling genuinely. "I just had a rough night with Mom. She's grounding me again."

"That sucks!" he says. Leave it to Peter to act like the sympathetic boyfriend. I smile again.

"She's probably just still weirded out," I remark, more to myself than to Peter, and that's when I spot Jane at her locker. I give Peter a quick kiss on the cheek.

"See you in class," I say, taking off down the hall toward the girl.

"Jane!" I call with a few feet still between us. She looks up.

"Oh, hey," she replies with that wide grin of hers that shows off all her teeth. "What's up?"

How was I going to put this again?

"I have to ask you something," I say slowly.

"Shoot," she says, digging in her locker for something.

"Tell me about Johnny?"

She turns her head in that way that tells me I'm about to enter a war zone.

"Johnny DiMarco?" she says. "What about him?"

"Is he always a jerk?"

She laughs, attacking her locker again. "He used to be, before Spinner knocked him around. Actually, he wasn't the one who led all the fights with Degrassi, his friend was. He acts like a tough guy because Lakehurst does that to you, but he's been through a lot too, not that he talks about it." She finally wrenches a book out of the mess and turns to look me in the face.

"Why?" Her eyes have that x-ray look in them.

I bite my lip. "He came to see me last night, and we…talked," I say slowly.

Her eyebrows rise up. "Just talked?" She can tell I haven't told her everything. She's way too good at this.

"No. I mean, yeah, we talked, but that's not…all we did." I feel like I'm sinking through the floor.

"I see," she sighs. "Well, was it what you wanted?" she asks.

I honestly can't say. "He made me feel…comforted," I say, "like I wasn't crazy or overdramatic. I needed that."

She nods and shuts her locker. "What did he say?" She motions for me to follow her to her class. I feel like I'm making a mistake, but I know she won't tell anyone anything.

"That he knows what it's like to have someone tear you up," I recall, looking around carefully to make sure we're not anywhere near him.

"Well, that's true, I can promise you that," Jane says. "He's been kicked around a lot, he knows how it is to be afraid of the world after something happens."

My heart stops for a moment. "He called me beautiful," I say, unable to forget that part.

"Wow," she murmurs. I can't tell whether she's being serious or sarcastic.

"What?" I ask. We're at her classroom door.

"He never says that unless he means it," she says, disappearing into the room without another word.

"Oh, sugar," I mutter, turning on my heel and running back the other way to homeroom before the bell rings.

I manage to avoid Johnny through the school day, and I volunteer at Spirit Squad just for an excuse to stay later. Manny asks me at one point what's going on, but I can't tell her about the park. I just hand her the same excuse that I did Peter, and that's the end of it.

"Okay, hit the showers," Manny says, and I dutifully clean up the practice mats by myself. Manny said something before about having an early dinner with her parents and soon-to-be husband Jay, which I still can't believe, and Peter's nowhere to be seen. The gym feels weird when it's empty. With all the mats rolled and stacked, I sit down on the bleachers with my head in my hands. This is all so screwed up.

"Hey Phoenix," echoes across the gym. I look up to find him standing against the wall. The doors are closed. He's looking right at me. My nerves are on fire.

"Stop calling me that," I snap, trying to be indifferent. "This isn't Spring Break anymore."

"It's a good name for you," he says, getting up from the wall and coming toward me. I feel heat rolling over me, making me nervous.

"Look, Johnny, you did and I are nothing," I say fast, grabbing my backpack. He's at my side in a flash, his hand around my arm. I look up at him and pull at his grip.

"Let go!" I shout. He does it but he still stands close.

"I have a boyfriend!" I yell at him.

"I know, and he's perfect!" he shouts back at me, making me shrink back. "He's perfect. But that doesn't mean you have to run from me all day." He looks…hurt. Well, I don't have time for this. If Mom comes looking for me and finds us together, I'll have hell to pay. I step around him and hurry toward the gym doors. I can hear him catch up to me in a few short steps, and he has me by the arm against the wall only inches from the doors. His face is close, and I'm torn. I know what I want, I know I shouldn't want it, and I don't know what he's thinking, but I have a pretty good guess.

"Please, Johnny," I beg, "I can't—"

He cuts me off. "I told you, I won't tell anyone," he says. "You're in deep enough already."

"But—" I try again. He releases my arm and folds his hands softly around my face.

"You can't tell me yesterday meant nothing to you. You wouldn't have avoided me all day if it was nothing to you."

He's got me there.

"Manny—," I start, looking toward the locker room.

"Left before I got here. I watched. She's not coming back, and Peter's got detention for Larsen."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "I think it has something to do with a class project that went under."

So he's not coming to rescue me. How do I even know I want to be rescued? I'm trying to reason with myself, but my hands are finding their way around his neck and pulling him closer. His arms wrap around my back, and he kisses my neck before my mouth. His lips are warm, and his embrace is relaxed but possessive, full of wanting. Surrender is sweetest when it's wrong.

I don't hear the gym doors open.


	3. In The Dark

Chapter 3—Johnny's POV

"Darcy!"

I'm trying to hold onto her but she turns to see Pretty Boy Peter standing with the open gym door braced against him. His face looks shocked and disgusted, kinda like when he found us on the roof. I can't help but smile just a little.

He tears out, and she pushes past me and follows without even looking back. Damn it, how many times am I going to lose her to him? Stopping just before the doors, I can hear them shouting at each other in the hall.

"How long have you been seeing him behind my back, Darcy?" he shouts, sounds enraged.

"It's not like that! I'm not seeing him, I never was, okay? He's just a—"

"A what? A friend? Somebody you can fool around with? What about

Spring Break, Darcy?"

Yes, what about Spring Break? I head for the door.

"Spring Break is over, Peter! Over and done with!" she screams.

"Yeah, just like us!"

Well now.

"Peter!" she yells, but I have a feeling he's outside by now, and I know before get out of the gym and see her that she's standing shocked in the middle of the hall with her arms tight around her stomach, shaking and probably crying. I walk toward her, but she turns dark eyes on me.

"Don't ever touch me again, just leave me alone!" she screams at me. I shrug, veering off from her out the front door. I can't believe what she just said, any of it. So something happened with them on Spring Break, and that she might have called me something along the lines of a friend if she hadn't been cut off.

I clear a few blocks before I stop running and realize I'm in Darcy's little park. How did I end up here? How did she get so deep in my skin? God, this is screwed up.

After awhile I walk back and off to the pool hall. There has to be somebody there that's not going to laugh. I get in the front door, toss a few "Hey" s here and there and spot Lucas' sister Jane racking up one of the tables. I walk up and tap her shoulder.

She looks surprised. I can't blame her; we really don't talk much.

"Can I join you?" I ask, not really sure what I think I'm going to get for it.

She gets this amused look and flips her hand toward the cue rack. Suppressing a "thank you" I arm myself and wait for her to break. I know she's a serious pool shark, but I'm not too bad either. The signature crack clears my thoughts for just a second, and I take the first shot. A satisfying thud into the corner pocket and I'm officially stripes. I take the second shot, miss the pocket but somehow manage to send a solid right into the next one. She lets out a low laugh and struts over to take her own turn. She sinks two before finally missing one. I let out a long breath and lean over for a far shot.

"Talk to Darcy today?" she asks.

The cue slips and I send the cue ball off into no-man's land. She laughs again.

"What?" I ask, trying to shrug it off.

"You know, the girl you met in secret yesterday, had some fun time with and then avoided all day today?" she replies, sending a ball straight center pocket in front of me.

"I didn't avoid her, she avoided me!" I snarl.

"I'll bet that bothered you, a girl as _beautiful_ as that trying her hardest to get away from you?" She takes another and barely misses.

She's messing with me. Not like I don't deserve it, but I'm pretty sure a couple of unnecessary beatings from her boy was enough humiliation where she came from.

"'She tell you all this today?" I ask, taking a shot and missing again. She sinks one before she answers.

"This morning. She looked pretty confused."

At least we have two things in common now.

"I think I freaked her out a little," I admit.

"You think? Johnny, she's seen you do nothing but beat up her classmates even if you weren't the one throwing the first punch. She's been through the hell the last few months; she's messed up about everything. You showing up on her doorstep and kissing her, not exactly what she's expecting right now."

Well, what's left of my spine just got blown away.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Jane!" I say, smacking a random ball with my stick. It rolls into the corner pocket.

"Hey! My shot!" She smacks her stick against mine.

"I don't know why I went to see her, I don't know why I kissed her and I don't know why I want her at all," I finish, happy to get it out to someone.

Jane puts down her stick and walks around the table to me. She has a different face on now.

"Okay, DiMarco, it's obvious you want my help, so here it is: if you think going after her is worth all this right now, then do it. If none of this makes sense, then it makes plenty of sense, you just don't know it yet. Just don't get your hopes up on a girl who may or may not want you, okay?"

Oddly, her rambling is some of the best advice I've heard in awhile. I give her a little nod to show that I get it.

She grins. "Don't worry, my advice is free today," she says, returning to her position and taking up her stick again.

"So, ready to be creamed officially?" she asks.

This time I lay my cue down across the table.

"I think I forfeit this one," I say, "Thanks a lot." I'm to the door when I hear her shout above the crowd.

"Aw, come on, I've got five balls left and I win, you can't walk out now!" I know she's joking, and it's adorable, but I have somewhere to be and someone very important to talk to. I'm ready for a fight, and for once it's without my fists. I can do that, for her.

I wait until it's dark before I go up to the doorstep again. Her parents and the tater tot went to church, I watched them leave from across the street, and Peter hasn't shown up yet to apologize or to accept Darcy's "please forgive me" speech. I'm hoping he doesn't show and that she doesn't get the bright idea to go his place. She wouldn't chance Principal Hot Sauce calling her parents to say how happy she is that they got back together.

Shaking my head, trying to get my mind to clear out for a second then ring the doorbell. It's quiet inside, and I'm considering running for it, but then a sudden faint thudding reaches my ears just before she opens the door. Her face goes from hopeful to obviously pissed off.

"What do you want now, Johnny?" she groans.

"Can we talk?" I ask, really not looking forward to a rejection.

"What is there to talk about, Johnny?" she growls. "You set me up to get caught with you."

My head's spinning. I could have done a lot of stuff, but that wasn't one of them.

"I didn't plan it, I swear," I say. I can't believe how desperate I am. "I didn't know he was going to get out so fast or I never would have gone to the gym to find you."

She scowls. "So, you wouldn't have come to see me at all today if you had the chance?" she asks.

God, I wish she'd stop asking me questions.

She stares at me for a moment, then finally leans on the door and looks down. She looks like she did after the snowboarding thing.

"Look, I don't want to ruin your thing with Peter, okay? I just…," I don't even know how to finish that. She looks back up at me again. She looks exhausted.

"If Peter walked up right now," she mutters.

"If Peter walked up right now and asked you what you wanted, what would you say?" Damn, I don't even sound like myself. What the hell is she doing to me?

She looks at something behind me for a second, and then slowly backs away from me, leaving the door open. I walk in and she shuts the door. Suddenly I feel totally live-wired, like I'm on a serious buzz without doing anything. She's glowing in the darkness, she feels like a magnet, and I can barely keep from reaching out for her.

"You didn't say," I whisper to her. The dark around us feels like a black hole, pulling at us both. My head feels hazy, like I'm hanging in mid-air. She looks about the same.

"How do I say it?" she finally breaks the silence.

I can't help it. I reach out and touch her cheek. She closes her eyes and breathes slow, like she's bracing herself before she falls.

"I do—want you, I just… don't know how to…" she breaks off, looking more like a lost kid every second.

"You just did," I reply, playing mercy. She looks scared, mostly of herself. What do I have to do to make that look go away?

One idea.

It's all in one move, simple. I pull her into a hug without saying a word, holding her rather than kissing her. At first she doesn't move, but then she wraps her hands around my neck and puts her face against my chest. I know she's crying, and I hold her tighter, waiting for her to speak. I can feel her tears soaking into my shirt. I hold her until she stops sobbing.

"I'm tired," she says after awhile. "Can you stay with me, until my parents get home, anyway?"

"Lead the way," I tell her.


	4. Upstairs

Chapter 4—Upstairs

He surprises me at the door, looking scared out of his mind. I have no idea what I want more, for him to come in or to leave. Eventually I let him in.

"Lead the way," he says, so I take his hand and pull him upstairs behind me, feeling serious déjà vu. It's almost impossible to see in the dark, if I weren't used to the stairs I'd probably trip on them. I tighten my grip to make sure he's not going to run away, but it's just like the first time we did this; we both want to be here, and I don't even know what I want, but he's in front of me and I'm not going to let him leave. I lead him into my room, where I only have my one lamp on in the corner. I face him and he has his look, like he's surprised at my room. He probably expected something glamorous, or the complete anti-glamour, since my life has been the opposite of grand the last few months. He doesn't look around long, though. I have this weird impulse all of a sudden when he looks at me, something I can't even name. I motion at the bed for a second, and then sit down. He walks around my bed, momentarily letting go of me before he comes to sit on the other side of me and takes my hand again. I want to say something, but I can't even come up with anything that won't sound….but he looks just as awkward as I feel. Finally I end up leaning backward onto my pillow, my head resting against the headboard, trying to look at him without looking at him. He smiles at me suddenly; that surprises me more than anything that's happened the past few days. It must be written on my face, because his expression changes again, but now it's unreadable.

"I guess neither of us knows what we're going," he says. There's a laugh behind his words. I find my head shaking.

"I guess not," I agree. His eyes are warm; it's a kind of warmth I haven't seen for awhile. "Johnny--," I start, but then I can't figure out what to say next.

"I don't mind if you're freaked. I am," he says, looking away from me. I don't know what to make of him now. It's still so hard to see him so close and warm, and almost scared, the way he's been every day this week. I want to know why he's suddenly so interested in me, but I don't even know how to ask.

"Darcy?" he asks. I look up, breaking out of my thoughts.

"How about we just talk tonight?" he says. It sounds good to me, not that I have any idea what to say. I nod anyway.

"Weren't you tired?" he asks. I nod, my eyes hanging half-open for a moment before I force them completely open again. I'm totally exhausted and I really have no idea why. Letting out the breath I don't know I'm holding, I give him a look that basically means "I'm trusting you, don't make me regret it," and slowly make my way under the covers and switch the lamp off. He's still beside me, the slow sound of his breathing lulling me to sleep. I swear I can feel his fingers in my hair, brushing long strokes from my scalp to my shoulder.

In my dream we're sitting somewhere in school and a bunch of random classmates are joking at us, asking if we're going out. We both say yes, even though we're both wearing the same uncomfortable, confused look. Then they challenge us to prove it by kissing. I try to do it, but his lips are pressed tight, like her really doesn't want it. But they're satisfied and they leave us. We're still sitting, congratulating ourselves on "fooling them", and then he slips his fingers between mine, and when I look up to his face he gives me this look, I don't even know what it is, and then he kisses me. I collapse into him, happy to know he feels the same, that it's not just me, that I'm not being crazy or confused. When I wake up again my parents and Claire are coming up the stairs, talking about tonight's great lesson, and he's gone.

Johnny's POV

I hear the parents and the kid sister return, and bail out through her convenient little set of glass doors. I want to kiss her goodbye, but she'll never hear the end of it if I'm caught in her room with her. It's a short jump to the ground and I'm running away, and I can't stand how much I want to stay right there in her room with her and watch her sleep.

When I get home and find my way to my own bed, I dream of her. My dreams are mainly of what I wished I could have done with her back there, but would never ask of her. She's been through enough already, and whatever it is we have is….fragile is the word, I guess. Could crash and burn at any moment, and I can't take that.

At one point I'm sitting across from her with that chair between us, and a guy in black is in it, listening to her talk about how he ruined her. I want so badly to mess him up, but I can't move. It feels like forever before he stands up from the chair. He's heading for her and she's frozen. Not on his life. I'm on my feet and then he's on the ground under me and my fists are bloody from his busted nose and mouth. I can't even begin to inflict the pain I want to, but I look up at her. She has this confused, freaked look, but behind it she's smiling to me, and speaking, but I can't hear her. I turn back to the sleaze, ready to finish him off for her, but instead I'm in her bedroom again, and she's standing on the other side of the bed with the same trusting but scared look on her face before she lays down and asks me to join her. As soon as I do, the lamp goes out. I reach out for her, not sure what I'm going to find or if she's going to push me away or pull me closer. I wake up thinking she's still beside me, my hand in mid-air toward her image that's fading away faster than I can focus on it. A few seconds later, I get my head on straight again and lay back down. I don't dream again, but her face is still burned into my vision.


End file.
